The 49 1/2 Most Essential Action Movies
Preamble & Rules of Engagement
There are two important truths. One is that action movies are very good. Another is that lists are better with pictures. There’s a lot of overlap in my love of art and action cinema, so a list where I could explore these things together seemed like a good idea. I didn’t think it would turn into something so involved, but sometimes you let love take the wheel and this is where it leads you. People seem to like lists, even if they pretend they don’t. It’s like those What’s In My Bag segments on Youtube or the Criterion Closet, which is where famous people get to shoplift movies I can’t afford. Everyone’s gotta talk about their bag, and feel good about what’s in the bag, and compare bags. I’m afraid it’s part of the human condition.
My bag involves pictures, because the sensory experience of Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the splits can’t be communicated in words alone. I’m also targeting a very specific definition of “action movie”, which can be almost anything depending on how pedantic you want to be. If you notice a movie or entire genre is missing, don’t panic. It’s probably in someone else’s bag, doing well and enjoying life. Rather than get long-winded about my selection process, I hope the list will speak for itself about what I’m looking for. I’ll try to say something new about each entry if I can, but it will be light reading. Good enough for the train ride or waiting room. I’ll try to make it fun.
-Ryan
#49 1/2 -Death Wish 3 (1985)
The first Death Wish is a gritty crime thriller from 1974, and it’s the only one that makes an honest effort at prioritizing inner conflict and the nature of revenge over violent catharsis. It’s messy and unpleasant. Death Wish II doubles down on the unpleasantness, then dives right into the vigilante violence that would characterize the sequels. By the time we get to part 3, we are firmly in Looney Toon land.
I have to confess that this entry only qualified after I changed the wording of the list from “best” to “most essential”. It’s inevitable that in curating something like this, you would have to sit through a few stinkers. I submit this as a monument to the many Saturday afternoons spent watching things like American Ninja or Undefeatable.
There are so many weird creative choices at play that it’s hard to know where to begin. Charles Bronson is clearly checked out at this point in the series, and his charmless performance only highlights the outlandish actions of Paul Kersey. Police chief Shriker (Ed Lauter) allows Kersey to go hunting as long as he gives them gang intel. This is an insane offer, and the total opposite of what the first two films were about. Shriker knows about Kersey’s past and wants to unleash him like a rogue exterminator. He stomps on a cockroach, but in sort of a metaphorical way, to let us know how bad the crime is. I think I get it, chief. He then punches Kersey out of his chair to let him know who’s boss. Point taken! There’s not gonna be any funny business, just some freelance Punisher work. Nothing crazy, just murdering the occasional purse snatcher with your mail ordered .475 Wildey Magnum. There’s a lot of civil rights being violated here, which I think is bad, btw.
I like looking at faces, and there’s a lot of good ones in this bad batch. Their leader is a heinous dork named Manny Fraker, a vermicious ringleader of bad behavior, who’s every foul deed feels motivated by some perceived slight, an insecure monster who brags about killing old ladies. He and his gang also have an interesting way of identifying themselves. Fraker’s head is shaved down the middle, his hair kindly parting the waters for a red stripe of paint, with two black stripes running across it horizontally. I think of this marking in the same way that some animals have large feathers or patterned frills that make them appear larger or more threatening. It’s not very effective.
That’s not to say they aren’t dangerous either, but the actors portraying them play a version of evil that is amusingly off the mark at times. Some of his crew have nicknames like “Angel” and “The Cuban”. The most well known is probably The Giggler. If you can guess why they call him that, you win a whole Tootsie Roll. There’s one gang member that struck me as odd in his gait and posture. Playing a “creep” is out of his wheelhouse. When Kersey punches him to the ground, he takes the most graceful fall I’ve ever seen. I have no way of confirming this, but I’m certain he was a dancer, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the other extras were as well. You’ll also notice a baby-faced Alex Winter, following in the footsteps of a baby-faced Lawrence Fishburne in Death Wish II, and a baby-faced Jeff Goldblum in the first Death Wish. Every entry allows for one evil baby actor as a rite of passage.
As the victims of Paul Kersey’s killing spree pile up, Manny gets more desperate. He gets on the phone and says “I need more guys”, tapping into his deep network of goons for hire. I’ve never seen a bad guy do this before. Who did he even call? Who arranges for “more guys”? Gangs from all over the city show up to raze and pillage like vikings, turning the city into a war zone. Kersey and Shriker team up and start parading down the street, a live action Lethal Enforcers arcade game unfolding before our eyes.
In a final confrontation in Kersey’s apartment, Manny Fraker allows us a split second to look at his ugly, terrified face before getting obliterated by a rocket launcher (another mail order special that was just sitting around). Sometimes, that’s what it takes to kill a cockroach, especially the big ones. This is my favorite Death Wish movie.
